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I didn't allow myself to come. I just sat there on top of him as he watched my stiffie bob and drool. (I mean my stiffie drool with precum, not him. Well, ok, yea, he was drooling too.) I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with it exactly, or do in general. I'd like to lead him to the shower, but that would be more romantic than I could bear at the moment. Since I was straddling him I could waddle up and fuck his face, but it could turn out to be a grudge fuck. I've been wanting him to swallow me for years and he still hadn't. I could jump back, flip his legs in the air, and plow right in missionary as he said he wanted, but that's what he said he wanted. Argh!
I just rolled off him and stretched out alongside. It was an odd feeling to be lying with him but over on his side of the bed. Kind of creepy to be over there, I mean in a 'this isn't right' way. It's like, well, spread your fingers and fold your hands together. Notice which thumb's on top? Now pull your hands apart and re-fold, but shift down so the other thumb's on top. That's how it felt.
He seemed to have sensed the awkwardness too when he reached over to start playing with my now softening dick. I swatted his hand away.
Was that your first time?
For what? Topping? No, that was with you.
I mean actually getting the job done. What about your fuck puppet?
This was the first time I've finished with no hands involved if that's what you mean.
Not even with Aaron?
Him? Pfff. He swears he's strictly bottom -- which doesn't make us the greatest match I know -- but he wouldn't even let me touch his ass for a while. Eventualy he let me touch him there a little, finger a little, but not very much or deep at all. First knuckle? And just that one time. Finally I got him to let me try to penetrate, but freaked out at the moment I pressed my cockhead against him.
What can you do? What does he want... I mean allow? Only dry humping?
Pretty much. That's the only way he'll bottom, if you wanna call it that... bottoming I mean.
Ummm... well, that's all we did for nearly 4 months to the day before we even saw each other's dicks! We were always fully clothed and I was always the humper and you always hated to love it. Ugh. We'll talk about all that another time.
I wanted to get into heavy stuff with him, air a whole lot of shit from the past, to get it out on the table if nothing else, but I also still wanted to lead him to the shower for a (literally) steamy make out session, which would have been fairly crucial since we'd just barebacked each other (and I wanted him to suck me off and vice-versa). I SO longed for a moment like that with him! But it would be slipping back to where we were too intensely. Or maybe I think too much. Then again he has waited like 95% of the time for me to take the lead, which I think was to give him the yes/no, ergo the p-a (i.e. passive-aggressive) power/control over me. He'd grown to have so much of both over me. Clearly I'd let him. Were we here again? He'd only ever got persistent or giving when he wanted something. I was afraid of him. I didn't trust him with my heart anymore. I was in such a state of confusion, fear, horniness, happiness, relief,.. Argh!
All that raced through my head in a second, and all at the same time. I had no idea how to deal with it. Those are a whole lot of paths to chose from to head down in this conversation. I thought best to keep the same thread going about his love life (or lack thereof) with his du jour.
Well, have you gotten him to top you yet? I know what a voracious bottom you are. Getting some satisfaction from him? How hung is he anyway?
He's, well, average I guess. Bigger than me but smaller than you. I tried to get him to, but no dice. All I have to do is produce a condom and shrinkage.
Not that he'd need to wear one...
Brian snuggled a little closer to me and pulled me closer to him.
Why do you say that?
For fuck's sake before last summer when we met he hadn't even KISSED anyone before, let alone had sex! Can you imagine not even having kissed someone until you're twenty-fuckin-two years old?
A whole lot of shit snapped into perspective suddenly. A whole lot. An easy pickins, a blindly adoring follower, a no effort manipulation object. Perfect for him. Disaster for the other. Brian appeared to be wanting, maybe even trying, to shed the poor ingenue, as he had the others, but this booger ain't shakin' off the finger as the others had. It dawned on me that I hadn't been much better as a pawn of his, past or present. In fact, I could actually really really see what a tool I'd let myself be. At the time I couldn't step back far enough to see myself. Now I saw with my replacement what an idiot I had been.
I didn't want to talk about any of that at the moment. I was still pretty jazzed that he'd finally finished inside me and that I was his first. Somehow that was important to me, to make sure that his first times were done right. I don't mean just my skill in the sack, I mean that they were done with love and were acts of intimacy, without panic or fumbling. He had been so scared of emotion and sex and had turned to me to show him the proverbial ropes. I did, and fell in love in the process, as he did with me, and kaboom!
I was still horny lying there with him, all freshly fucked, full of his cum, but myself still ready for the next round, so I figured, yea, I'd go back to a sexier conversation. I'm a voyeur, and hearing about his sexploits while under my tutelage used to turn me on. He'd have an "adventure" and report back to me in detail how he'd but to task all the things I'd taught him. He was proud, I was proud, we both got so turned on by those conversations we always wound up mauling each other and the sex got better and better every time!!!
In this case (i.e. Aaron) I admit I had a need to feel superior and justifiably so. I might have been envious of the others earlier, but this one I was jealous of. This one was my replacement, not there could be another me. No one could ever fill that void. Sometimes you don't realize what you've got till it's gone. He seemed to be in that zone and sorely. I didn't think he wanted to carry on the conversation I'd started. I didn't know what he wanted. I pushed ahead with it anyway.
So does he swallow or at least finish you in his mouth when he blows you?
He says he has "issues" with going down on me. He's tried a couple times, but didn't get too far past taking my head in his mouth and barely touched his lips to me in the process let alone suck. It took awhile before the first time he tried, and that's all he did. That first time that's really all he did, and when those 3 seconds were over he pulled his head back and without looking at me asked if that felt good. Felt good? Damn if I could have felt anything So I guess the answer to your question is no.!
I repressed a snicker of triumph.
Do you do him?
Yea, but he refuses to prune the bush or shave his balls, so I'm not such a fan to go down there.
I remembered Brian's order that I trim and shave for him saying how unappealing it was for him to think of "getting a pube stuck in his teeth". I never argued. In fact I had been. He just wanted me to be more diligent about it. I more than gladly complied!
So there's no fucking or sucking either way?
Basically.
So this amazing sex life he tauts/hints at in his blog consists of ...
Hand jobs. I know. I can give myself a hand job, and a better one than he or anyone could ever give me. Well, except for you. You know exactly...
We used to masturbate for each other. I paid attention.
That was different. You first asked me to jerk off for you because you wanted to learn how to pleasure me, where my "sweet spots" as you called them were. And I remember how you sat up against the headboard and had me sitting between your legs, leaning back against you to do my five knuckle shuffle, and how you eventually placed your hand so gently over mine. Is that what that was for?
Yep.
Why?
I love you, you stupid shit. My thrill and interest in our getting together like this is in pleasuring YOU! I get off over THAT! Ya know, right now, you just came hugely and I'm the one that got you there. If I get to come again. Great. If not, that's ok too... You still don't get it, do you?
Not exactly. You're way ahead of the curve for me. I learn from you. Explain.
At 24 I had done enough slumming to get it out of my system (for the most part). You've just started. You've had a safe and loving place to learn from other than the hard way to report back to and learn more from. You're back again.
Yea. I don't know what to do...
Regarding what? Aaron? You in general?
Both. One's a symptom, one's a cause.
There's also the me you fucked over. And I feel totally betrayed. It will take a long long time for you to regain my trust.
What can I...
At the moment you can go away. Get dressed, get in your car, and go home. I know you're deaf, dumb, and blind emotionally, but even Job ran out of patience. So just go. Home or wherever. Back into the skeletal arms of your "boyfriend"
He got that defiance look. At this point I was with my back to him and pulling my jeans on and just gave him a 'whatever' shrug. When I turned around he was there wearing my football shirt and staring at me. I was speechless.
Before I knew it I heard the driveway gravel.
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encroaching increase of darkness - 2008-11-02
Bones - 2008-09-20
random bitchings and musings - 2008-07-09
Man with Huge Cock - 2008-07-04
Eric and other crazy shit - 2008-06-29
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Thinkin' 'bout: not wanting to go to some party the LO said we'd go to
Dog(s) keeping me company: all three!!!
Current read: Annales by Tacitus and Ezekiel