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If you're looking for so what happened with Mike, it's not in this entry. I'm going to try to write that one next, but don't get wet in anticipation of anything more than the truth.
Here it is after 1 p.m. and I'm still in my hotel room. I did venture out once a little while ago, but within half an hour I came back. I'm in no mood to talk to anyone right now, to see or be seen. I'm not in a pissy mood, or even under a pall of depression. I just feel tired, perhaps too tired to sleep. I didn't go to bed that late last night. I hadn't drunk that much either, only enough to make an ass of myself -- by talking too much and disregarding what others had to say. I slept in this morning. Too much sleep? A pot of coffee is already behind me, so it's gotta be a lack of motivation thing.
Or maybe it is a trough. Last night colleagues were all talking about projects they had in progress and plans for other ideas. I was tapped to share my own, which I did, and even had a glimmer of enthusiasm, but that soon faded. I know I won't get better and I know any efforts to do what I 'used to could' will only lead to frustration and disappointment for myself and those around me.
I'm sitting on the floor, leaning back against the foot of the bed so my smoke can go out the vent and I can look out my 17th story window at the Arch and the Mississippi. And a traffic jam. CB and I were going to go up in the Arch on Thursday, but long lines suggested we wouldn't have time, so we didn't. I thought of going today by myself, but given my state of mind, probably not. Not only to I not feel like being around people at the moment, I have two phobias, claustro- and acro-. The experience would unite all of it into the mother of all panic attacks.
I wish housekeeping would come keep house! I'd like to have a nap and a shower and not have to be vigilant for them, though I know attempting either would make them arrive. It's like the magical power of lighting a cigarette to make a bus or elevator appear. A nap and a shower would pick me up I'm sure -- and I could use a pick me up. I have a date with a fellow d-lander at 6. No, it's not that kind of date. It's a cocktails and dinner how interesting it will be to meet someone you already know date, even if it is in a hotel.
Bizarre the concept of meeting someone you already know, and knows you! The weirdness factor will be increased by the nature of our diaries. Well, mine far more than his, so in that regard things will be a bit lopsided. There will be sexual tension, at least to some degree. I mean, he knows I like getting my earrings tongued, that I have a thing for crewcuts (which the bastard just got!), and if he reads this before we "meet", he'll know that my buddy Stretch is in the top drawer of the dresser. How naked will I feel sitting across the table from him? Probably not much, and it won't matter anyway. Well, the whole thing is going to be surreal and I'm looking forward to it.
Now if only housekeeping would show the fuck up so I can (try to) make myself purdy! (yeah, right. lotsa luck.)
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encroaching increase of darkness - 2008-11-02
Bones - 2008-09-20
random bitchings and musings - 2008-07-09
Man with Huge Cock - 2008-07-04
Eric and other crazy shit - 2008-06-29
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Thinkin' 'bout: black coffee
Dog(s) keeping me company: nicotine fits to come
Current read: 49