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Before I continue my week catch up entry, I wanna say a couple random things.
I've suddenly lost my taste for martinis. What's up with that shit?!
Last month or so ago I ran across audible.com. It's a sort of audio book club. It has really rocked my world! I don't know why, but I can't read anymore. It must be my meds. I don't mean 'I can't read' as in suddenly illiterate, I mean I read the same line over and over like I can't move to the next line automatically. I'm like a record with a skip (Yes, I've tried taping a penny to my head! It doesn't work.) or it just puts me to sleep within minutes. It must be the stillness. With the audiobook, I can be active. But not entirely so.
Thursday: On and off slap fight with Tanner, but all via IMs and emails. Late that evening he sent me a rather mean one that kept me up all night.
Friday: I wrote him something of a response, then ran errands. Later that afternoon he wrote me back kind of tail-tuck, but most of it was a crock of shit and just more of his self-delusions to feed his neuroses. The dude can't be reached and I'm done trying. I figured it best to give it a day or so before responding. Count to 10 and all that.
I spent the rest of the day slumming the web. I started off looking around to see if I could find if Ryan had an online journal. I quickly got bored with that and decided to look for something more interesting, namely online journals of young straight guys who write about their love lives and sexcapades. I found one.
The guy is just about to start his sophomore year in high school. His diary goes back about a year and a half, and he writes in it daily. Sometimes two or three times a day! He started in d-land then moved to lj. He lives up North. A very articulate young man. He capitalizes the beginnings of sentences and doesn't do that irritating (to me anyway) bullshit of using digits for words or other trendy crap like "ur" for "you are". It's hysterical when he posts cut and paste IMs. You don't have to look at username tags to tell who's who. All his friends are like 2 like kool like 4 like skool. Barf.
His diary isn't an erotic one per se -- he's just not shy to write about when he fingered some chick or got a blowjob from one (last being a few weeks ago). Apart from those experiences he's a virgin. He doesn't get into much detail. I do know that he has a big dick and gets teased about it. The diary really does come from his heart. He even writes about crying when his feelings are hurt. He's a sweetie. The cast of characters is considerable. It's quite a soap opera. I love it. Perhaps the best and most intriguing part is a bit of a cliffhanger. He makes references and comments which strongly suggest he's not entirely... well, straight. I won't go through all the evidence. It will be interesting to see what occurs with him. The friend he makes the most sexual comments about has the dreaded R name. Oh dear. The R dude is apparently very attractive, very popular with the girls, and very sexually active. He's also a stoner.
I don't really know what they look like. I don't think I want to know. Imagination is good. I'm still fascinated by this picture, so I assigned their names to them.
Saturday: Most of the day was spent reading that diary. No contact with Tanner.
Sunday: More of that and other diary stuff. A lot of masturbating too. Just one of those days, I guess. I wrote a couple emails to Tanner. I basically said that I did love him dearly and I did find him attractive, but I didn't want to pick out a china pattern with him. The most we'd ever be is close friends with benefits. I added that last part because I know he's scared to death of sex and that would keep him at a distance with minimal effort on my part. That evening we had a pleasant enough IM chat. He thanked me for writing and said that he felt better and "we'll talk later". I had to cut it short because SFU was starting. (It's the only show I watch!)
Oh. Ryan came over. He IMed me Saturday afternoon and pretty much begged me to let him come over Sunday afternoon for beers and to talk and make nice and say our goodbyes. He said it was important to him since his last day at work had been Friday and he was moving next weekend and didn't think we'd ever see each other again. He wanted to part on a happy note. (Apparently he didn't find blowing me the other day and my leaving him with blue balls too happy a note. I was ok with it!) So late afternoon he showed up and made himself at home. We had beers and talked about nothing of consequence. A tacit agreement not to antagonize each other. I was sitting on a stool at the kitchen counter and somehow at some point I got turned around with my back to the counter and there he was standing between my knees and sucking on one of my earrings. I let him. Very deep erotic kissing ensued and before I knew it I was leaning on my back on the counter with my legs around him and he was dry humping me. I haven't been that hard or wet in a very long time. Without a word he got up and took me by the hand into the bathroom and started undressing me. I was in a trace and did the same to him. We got in the shower and continued making out as we washed each other and wound up sucking each other off under the spray. Then off to the bed for more kissing and caressing and tangled rhythmic limbs. He started fingering my ass to relax me. I was melting at the mere thought of feeling him inside me again, and pretty soon he was. We fucked for nearly an hour before he came. (I'd already come twice during this.) We were exhausted and he fell asleep with his head on my chest. An hour later we woke up and went at it again. I let him call the positions that time. After that we dragged our sweat and jizz soaked bodies back to the shower. While toweling each other off and nuzzling here and there he asked if he could stay the night. I said no. He needed to leave. We agreed that we had just had a very special, perfect moment and we shouldn't push our luck. In fact, we should never see or speak again. We also agreed that we would always love and lust each other, however different our paths would be. We hugged and kissed. I popped open a beer and returned to my seat at the counter and watched 170 lbs. go out the kitchen door. It was good and satisfying. I hope it stays that way.
Monday: Nice morning IM chat with Tanner. I was chipper and as if nothing had ever happened or been amiss between us. It kind of weirded him out. Another 165 lbs. lost.
Then I went out to run a couple errands. I wasn't gone for more than 45 minutes. During that time the delivery guy had come to deliver my iBook. Fuck!
Tuesday (today): So now I'm delivery hostage for the day. That's ok. I have plenty to do around here.
No morning IM chat with Tanner today. I saw him online for a long time, but from an account he does know I have. He was probably waiting for me. I haven't laid eyes on him in a couple weeks. That's been his decision. I think we have things ironed out well enough now. I really hate it when people refuse to meet and talk face to face to resolve problems, preferring to hide behind a keyboard instead. He knows where to find me.
At any rate, one thing I intend to do today is write a 'cast' page for my diary. There really aren't that many people, I just call them different names and it can get confusing.
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Have any comments you'd like to share?
[So far 0 smart ass remarks have been made.]
encroaching increase of darkness - 2008-11-02
Bones - 2008-09-20
random bitchings and musings - 2008-07-09
Man with Huge Cock - 2008-07-04
Eric and other crazy shit - 2008-06-29
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