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I'm glad people liked those bad pick up lines. Some were hysterical. My fav was #3. (Nice ass. When does it open?) The bones in the body one was fun too.
So it's Sunday, and you know what that does to the Seth man. Every Sunday is a little easier, though. Last night was as restless as they come. One bad dream after another. I think only one had JWB in it. Anyway, no sleep. In his morning haunt I couldn't think of a single nice thing to say to or about him. The sign of progress there was that that didn't bug me too much. Still, I think it would be worthwhile for me to write out a fantasy encounter with him where I get to vent. It won't happen in real life. He's going to have to come to me first, and I've got the feeling pigs will fly first. And I don't expect to see pork in the trees anytime soon.
This morning I did manage to stroke one off. I had a nice hard bone too. Can't tell you what or who I thought about. My mind was all over the place.
My plan for this afternoon was maybe to write a story, but definitely to give myself a little ass play. My ass has been exit only since the last time JWB and I made love. That was in June. I have a double headed dildo that I used to use to get ready for him. The ritual when I knew he was coming over was to do a quick backdoor rinse, shower, then play with this dildo. One end, then end I'd start with after fingering my self a little was about as big around as a nickle, then slowly flared out. Flip it around and that end started about as big around as a quarter and flared out to a size a little bigger than a stick of pepperoni, which a stick of pepperoni is what he had, but boy did he know how to use it! I remember one day we started making out on the couch, the clothes started coming off, he was rock hard as usual, and I used it as a handle to lead him to the bedroom. I looked at the clock. It said 1:00. I looked again and it said 5:00!
I digress. I need to start relaxing for Mike. I have a plan for him. This is going to sound weird, dear diary, but here goes. I feel like I need an exorcist. Forcing myself to say certain turns of phrase, eat certain things, sit certain places, and such have been purging for me. Maybe desensitizing is a better term. And, on the whole, it's working. Now I have a mission to get my sex life with the LO on track, but am blocked because I too often have to think about the times JWB and I were together to get off. By that I mean that there are things we do do, and things we don't do (yet) that I want to do. I'll have to teach him. The last I've done anything really has been with JWB. Mike's job is going to help me 'transition'. Does that make sense?
This diary has been helping incredibly in so many ways. Writing it out has been good, and most of the people I've met through it have been supportive, kind, and helpful. Some know depression, some know being led astray, some know just plain heartache.
Rather than a wank, or getting some more work done, or the ass play, I may just have a nap. I'm bummed. No good reason, really. Well, no single good reason. It's a constellation today.
It feels more like a quiet defeat. Ever feel that way?
Seth
Oh. There's a young man down under who has recently come out, is exploring his sexuality, and could use some support, or at least some folk to listen. You can find him here. He just changed diaries. I don't know why. The history is in another diary, but I won't publish the name. Write him and ask.
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encroaching increase of darkness - 2008-11-02
Bones - 2008-09-20
random bitchings and musings - 2008-07-09
Man with Huge Cock - 2008-07-04
Eric and other crazy shit - 2008-06-29
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Thinkin' 'bout: Buchanan's 12 year scotch
Dog(s) keeping me company: not liking myself
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