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my ass feels so much better this morning! thanks for your out-pouring of support! (except not). i think i�ll go to the salon later today; i�ll take it a little easier though. i do look good with a tan, and i�d like that. i�d like to lose the psoriasis too. bleh.
watched a movie last night (another one the old man picked out): �Camp�. it�s about a summer drama camp. it was fun. the main characters were a tragic gay boy (fugly!) and a playa straight boy (who in 5 years or so will be a hottie).
powerball is up to 61 million, basically because i didn�t win it last night. the day before yesterday i won $100 on a scratch off, so i invested $60 in quickpicks. i won $3. unfair. my buddy hugh and i have a deal. we both play, and if one of us wins the top prize we�ll split it. i did the math so i�d have a jiffy formula to figure my take. it�s 20% of the advertised jackpot, so for the next drawing my share would be $12.2 mil. i could deal with that. my old man says we�ll invest it safely at 5% and live off the interest. (i told him that the border collie and i would send him a postcard from wherever we wind up.) the jiffy formula for that is the number of millions of the jackpot expressed as hundreds of thousands, so $61 mil works out to an annual income of $610,000. i could deal with that.
progress on the jesus-wejus boyfriend healing front. this morning lying in bed he was on my mind, but in a rather ambivalent way. on a pining scale of 1 to 10, i�d say i�m down to a 3. i didn�t ask to have feelings for him to begin with, in fact i willed myself not to. he is so full of anger and hatred now, and has abandoned reason, so my heart don�t want no more. for me, the heart vs will battle, the heart always wins. there is no contest even. for the past few months i�ve been willing myself to fall out of love with him. my heart has finally sustained enough abuse from him that i actively want nothing to do with him and will avoid even laying eyes on him for the next 3 months. that�s all i have to last. 3 months. during those 3 months, however, our schedules dictate that we will have to cross paths at least once daily. not if i can help it. i�ll figure out a way around it. you see, the sight of him, the sound of his voice, tears my heart back open again. it�s an involuntary, visceral reaction. good thing i don�t get close enough to catch his scent! that�s my weakest spot.
also this morning lying in bed, when jwb wasn�t poking at me, i was poking something else. don�t get excited. it was only my fist as usual. i was thinking about that 3-way i hope to write this afternoon to conclude that story i�d started. disconnected things were here and there. i couldn�t get any flow. when i got up, and off, and then out of bed, i sat with my coffee to root around my porn to find some good, inspirational mmf pics. this is the first one i found:
well, not exactly what i was looking for. the guys are looking good to me, but she�s not much to look at. J
digging around i found this one next:
more like it! it looks like a 2 in 1 even. i�ve never done that. i imagine two dicks sharing a hole would stretch it pretty tight. i enjoy frottage as much as penetration too, so rubbing cocks and fucking at the same time could be quite a treat. and then there�s the striking up a good rhythm question�
finally, here�s something much more my style:
yum. big peckers, too! i think i can work with these pics for starters anyway. we�ll see what cums.
enough smut for this entry. i still haven�t figured out what needs to be done let alone make a dent in doing any of it. it�s intimidating!
i do need to do some reflecting, which is one of the best and most therapeutic things about a diary. so i'll probably post again, but it won't be like yesterday's fest... i hope?
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encroaching increase of darkness - 2008-11-02
Bones - 2008-09-20
random bitchings and musings - 2008-07-09
Man with Huge Cock - 2008-07-04
Eric and other crazy shit - 2008-06-29
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