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This project -- the one that dumped on me last month -- is kicking my ass. So much for my leave of absence.
I can't believe it's been two weeks since I made an entry. So much shit has been going on! The project and BL have been keeping me busy.
Where's to start? There's good news, bad news, scary news. Sometimes it's hard to tell the three apart.
On my boys... T (the border collie) had an ulcerated cornea that he had to have scraped. He also had a lump that turned out to be a tumor that had already vascularized. They think they got it all. Biopsy is unknown since the sample got lost in the mail on the way to the lab. Or the lab lost it.
Speaking of labs, N, my 100 lb. lab mix, who is epileptic but hasn't had a gm in three years (yeah!) had a stroke last Sunday night. It was scary. I wasn't sure if he was going into a seizure at first, so I got him outside chop-chop. It was around 9, SFU had just started, it was raining. I was in my boxers. N fell down the steps. Seeing a quadruped fall is a heartbreaking thing. I sat in the grass in the yard (in the rain, in my bloomers). He struggled to get up and come to me. His head was flopping around like a water balloon. He collapsed next to me and I sang to him and stroked him and tried real hard not to cry. I started crying anyway, but was as quiet as I could be about it. He needed my strength. He's 9, and big dogs have short lives. It ain't fuckin' fair. Now he's pretty much back to himself. He walks a little funny, his head's a little tipped, but his barks aren't slurred.
S, the two year old jackal mix remains a hellion.
The LO and I are in a really strange place right now. We sleep apart more and more often. There's no fighting or anything. As time goes by we settle more and more into just being housemates. It's very odd.
The really good news is that Ryan no longer haunts me. He's a memory. I still love him and always will, but he's turned into such a malevolent asshole I have no place for him in my life. Nor am I leaving a door open for reconciliation. He's evil. A couple entries ago I mentioned running across a blog of some bitch he was shacking up with when I broke up with him, blah, blah, blah. The paragraph begins with something about BL, and then it sounds like I'm talking about BL, not Ryan. Well, I was talking about Ryan. BL is a different story.
That dinner with BL's mommies went well, except for that I was so nervous that when they got here I was tipsy, then so happy that they were so fun and easily met I proceeded to get plastered and made an ass of myself. After they left I feared that I had, and began kicking myself in the ass. A few days later when I'd gotten over my secret shame, BL said that H, the butch of the couple (not that C, his birth mommy is exactly lipstick), asked him on the way home that night, "What's Seth like when he isn't drunk?" That was a real bitch slap to me, and every now and then we all need a bitch slap.
Ah. BL. Well, here's a picture of a dude who looks a lot like him:
One difference is that BL's hair is dirty blond. (Shocking for me given my penchant for brunettes, the darker the better!) BL's an inch or two taller than me, maybe 6'. I hadn't noticed that until we started making out... oops. I get ahead of myself. He has the most beautiful bubble butt and muscled legs I've ever known. Amazing eyes too. I've never seen eyes like them before. They're the color of tan M&Ms -- if you're old enough to remember tan M&Ms. They were my favorite as a kid. I hear they got replaced with blue. Yuck. Blue food is not right, no more than black food is. I don't know about his cock either. I've only ever gazed at his basket and groped him once when we were making out. He said in a chat back when that he was "average". A couple days ago, again in chat, he defined 'average' as 5.5". Fine by me! That's still quite a package he presents. I'll likely find out later. Anyway, his eyes have earned him the pet/nickname Tanner. So if I refer to Tanner, that's BL. The sobriquet is cute, but his real name is sexy.
Anywho, for a quick chronology, we met 11 months ago and he immediately started following and fawning on me at work. Back in May he started telling me he loved me. It was like Ryan started all over again. Eventually I caved and allowed him to let me know who he was. Eventually we got a friendship started and started sharing personal shit... And then the night of that dinner party a couple weeks ago, at one point I was dying for a smoky treat and invited Tanner out to my shop to keep me company. He did, we chatted, it was fun. When I was done and we headed back and were nearly at the back door, me leading the way, suddenly I felt his hands on my shoulders. He began massaging. Of course I stopped to enjoy. He found more tension than I usually have because I was trying to stop my cock from drooling precum. Drooling? The damn tap was wide open and here comes the big wet spot on my shorts! Then he moved flat up behind me and began breathing sensuously in my ear. It was tent time. And I was supposed to go back in to the party with his mommies with a big gooey wet spot and a hard on?
Not long after he came over and we had beers, talked of cabbages and kings, and when it was time for him to go, we stood in the kitchen at the back door and had our good-bye hug and peck, and suddenly his tongue was in my mouth. My reaction? Yeah buddy! A real shocker for me. I know about his hang ups about physical intimacy. And emotional intimacy for that matter. We'd talked and IMed a good bit at that point. But at that moment a lot came together, and danger zone though I thought him to be, he was a damn good kisser and I fell into it totally. Tanner is good. REAL good. But not as good as Ryan. Then again, Ryan is a charmer. He really can sell water by the river... especially to himself.
Well, ain't it sad when you get a new guy, a really good guy at that, and you make comparisons? You don't mean to, they just sort of organically arise on their own.
I'm heading for a nap now. There's more to this story, but it will have to wait.
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Have any comments you'd like to share?
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encroaching increase of darkness - 2008-11-02
Bones - 2008-09-20
random bitchings and musings - 2008-07-09
Man with Huge Cock - 2008-07-04
Eric and other crazy shit - 2008-06-29
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