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in the morning i have developed the pattern of getting up, getting my coffee, going to my room and reading what updates there might be in diaries i like to read. if i hadn't been so deep in that hole yesterday morning, jonathan's entry would have inspired me more. he wrote how he hated tuesdays but was bound and determined that yesterday would be a good day. from a later entry it sounded like his determination paid off. today i'm going to get determined to do the same, dammit! i hope it works for me. wish me luck.
this morning as i lay in bed JWB was on my mind as usual. i say 'as usual' because another bizarre/cosmic aspect of our relationship, a few months after we first met (and we met on 9/11 -- can you say 'omen'?) he started appearing in my dreams, and was nearly always on my mind when i woke up. hell, at that point i recognized him, and we talked in the halls, and he'd drop by my office just to say hey, but i could never remember his name!
at any rate, as i lay in bed this morning my thoughts were hardly pining. instead i longed to punch his face in emotionally. i want him out. i hate the power he has over me. he only has that power because i give it to him. my heart really is beginning to get that point. but he still haunts me and i still wonder what to say to him should i get the opportunity. do i even want an opportunity? 11 weeks. in 11 weeks his contract is up and he's out of here. if he'd like to take the time and energy to play cat and mouse with me for the next 11 weeks, all the better. if he comes by my office or emails me, i'd like to have something to say, something concise that lets him know how i feel, what i want from him now, and why. i'm gaining on the sermonette.
given the feebleness of the waves and heys he's given me in path crossing, and my utter ignoring of him, it kind of looks like i may have more power over him than vice-versa.
so this morning's coffee and update reading was significant. it was written by nividian, and written beautifully as he always writes. you need to read it for yourself.
so today i'm gonna have me a good day. lots to do and the plan is to get out of here about half an hour ago. McD, tanning, Publix for lottery tickets, the adult toy store (Pandora's Box) for lube, the seth toy store (Lowe's) for things various and sundry. i also like many of the other shoppers there! then this afternoon till the garden, fill some dog craters, plant the cannas, dig up and replant the bananas, scatter grass seed. outside stuff. i've been doing inside stuff for too long. more on that in another entry.
now for something bone provoking.
you might recall how i had the hots for this guy:
then i put this picture up. also hot! jonathan didn't think it was the same guy. crys wasn't sure.
just recently i put this newly discovered pic up to see what they thought -- if it was the same one or not:
crys said she thought it could be. well, if it is, the fantasy is over. he looked much better in a t-shirt! i'd still like a round with him though. ;-o
another wet dream of mine has been this guy:
this pic has been all over the net, and justifiably so! imagine my delight in finding this second one!
anybody got any others? i hope he's not another keep your shirt on type!
Seth
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encroaching increase of darkness - 2008-11-02
Bones - 2008-09-20
random bitchings and musings - 2008-07-09
Man with Huge Cock - 2008-07-04
Eric and other crazy shit - 2008-06-29
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