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Brian stood there and looked at me, not with a glare but with one of those poster child pleas.
You don't love me anymore, do you?
Sweetie, you started flirting and fawning on me the day we met. I did my best to be cold and drive you away. You persisted. For almost a year you persisted. When I first broke down and showed any interest in you personally, almost immediately you were using the L word. It took another half a year to get me to say it back.
Hehe... yea, I'm a persistent bitch!
Shut up. I'm not done. You wanted me in every way possible, including and mostly getting you out of your self-built prison of fear of your emotions, of your sexuality, and of relationships in general. I stuck by and taught you. I was always here. You gained from me and my experience. You went out and did your 'field work', and always came back to me, your center, to help you out of your messes, dust you off, and send you back out there. You grew to take me for granted. I'd always be there and always pay if it involved money. Remember how shocked and crushed you were when you wanted an upgrade on your earrings and I said I'm not your sugar-daddy, you pay for this one?
I've always done and given you everything you've ever asked for. Through most of November you had a bug up your ass and were giving me the silent treatment. When you were finally nice and spoke to me (as if nothing as usual), do you remember why?
He just slowly shook his head no and looked at the floor.
It was because you wanted something. That adapter, and typical me I didn't loan you mine; I went over the top as usual and GAVE you a brand new one still in the package. Remember what you said? The sum and total of what you said? You picked it up off my desk, looked at it, and mumbled, "This ought to work." And you left my office and returned to giving me the silent treatment. Nary a word of thanks. It was FIVE more weeks before you spoke to me again. Well, if texting me counts as speaking. You wanted to get together. Then you stood me up. Now here you finally are.
So what do you want this time? The 'party hat' I noticed you'd tossed on the bed says you want me to fuck you. Long time no good sex? Craving 'Mr. Girth' as you used to call my dick? And the clothes in the bathroom and the mimosas... trying to pluck my heart strings? What's this about?
Ya know, I was dunned for a letter of recommendation due for you by the end of the week. Looks like you'd listed me on your application. Looks like you forgot to tell me, let alone fuckin' ASK me if I would! Is THAT what THIS is about? When you listed me, was it assuming your stupid ole Seth would step'n'fetch like always, no matter how you treat me?
Welling eyes, from each of us, so I hushed. I didn't mean to get so accusatory/self-righteous, but I heard myself and how it was coming out. It was feeling like an emotional high-colonic. Naturally a pregnant pause ensued.
So you hate me.
Oh please cut the dramatics! No! That's the problem! My life would be so much easier if I did... I mean could.
I caught myself being the drama queen, so I hushed again.
Hold me now. Hold me. I'm in the same lost place. It hurts.
He rushed me before I got a chance to pull him to and let him cry. A very quiet and whispery conversation ensued.
We're impossible.
We're fuckin' Broke fuckin' back fuckin' Mountain.
We figured that out when we went to see it together, sitting in the back, virtually crushing each other's hands and crying together.
Can we continue this horizontal?
"Horizontal refreshment" was one of our code words for sex. But I sensed this time he didn't mean sex, just lying together, him in my arms...
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[So far 1 smart ass remarks have been made.]
encroaching increase of darkness - 2008-11-02
Bones - 2008-09-20
random bitchings and musings - 2008-07-09
Man with Huge Cock - 2008-07-04
Eric and other crazy shit - 2008-06-29
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Thinkin' 'bout: my card reading said yesterday, today, and tomorrow would be rough
Dog(s) keeping me company: they're all outside doin' dog stuff
Current read: Annales by Tacitus, and Isaiah (OT)