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Holy shit.
How long since I've written? I don't want to know.
So what's been going on you ask. Oy.
I got a HUGE project dumped on me, and I'm the only Mexican on the ranch... well, I was till I contracted out a little... to BL of all people. Back to BL in a sec.
Ryan got fucking around with me again (not literally and I will continue that story, as well as that of Tony, whom I saw yesterday, if I ever get out from this pile) Anyway, the quondam has gone JWB full tilt, and now the sight of him, even the sight of his car, makes me want to puke, partly from disgust, partly from nerves. Why can't he go away? Today's the anniversary of the last time we got physical. I mean that in a cock grabbing way. So I miss him, but am glad he's out of my life.
And now there's BL. I have no idea where to begin with him, neither in how to describe him to you, dear diary, nor to anyone. A lot of crazy shit has gone down between him and me since my last entry. If you don't remember, he turns 20 on Tuesday. He's my height, dark blond, a little preppy, a little nerdy, self identified as gay a few years ago, has 2 mommies, and is totally in love with me. He told me.
He's also a virgin in all ways and is petrified of physical intimacy. Well, he and I have been exchanging too many emails and spending too long in AIM chats. Last weekend he was housesitting and asked me over. I went. We spent several hours talking about rather personal stuff. When I thought it time to go he was in the midst of begging me to stay for lunch -- he'd started grilling some bratwurst for us. I declined, but right there in front of the bratwurst (wink to Trixie) he kissed me. Wrapped his arms around me and kissed me. More than a peck, but no tongue. I held him in return, and there were more kisses of the same sort. I let my hands wander through his (sexy) hair during our embrace, up and down his back too. Even ventured to caress his amazingly hot bubble butt. After I got a couple playful nibbles in, lip, then ear, and there was no response, I released him. Well, the only response was that he held me tighter. Anyway, I bid adieu and was out of there. I was at half mast and drooling the pre-cum. It wasn't running like a tap like it did with Ryan, but enough to soak through denim a tiny bit.
We spent the day together yesterday at the vineyard. He's a good little worker. I told him all about Ryan and how this is a really bad time for me to start getting come on to, especially by someone who has so many sexual hang-ups. An AIM convo last night may have cooled his jets.
I like him. I like him a lot. But he's not, well, Ryan. There will never be another one of them, and I thank my lucky stars for that. I have repairs to do anyway.
I'm fully aware that I'm all about the flattery and adulation I'm getting from him. I'm also totally aware that there is nothing but heartache here. I told him (and he nodded in agreement and understanding), "You can love and be in love with me all you want, but you can't have me." His response was to thank me for reminding him of that.
Also, and I still don't know if this was wise, I told him if he was nervous and wanted someone he knew and trusted to "show him the ropes", I'd do it.
I haven't heard from him yet today. I'm almost glad about that.
So far today I've been working on that damn project dropped in my lap. I told BL I'd write him. I guess I should.
As dude types go, Ryan is a surfer skank. I still have that skinny guy extravaganza to post, and the locked series of him to post. I'll get there. BL is a bit preppy/nerdy, a bit too queeny for my tastes as well. He's best classed as a twink. Where was I going with this? Oh. Janos Volt. Hungarian porn star guy. Now THIS is a MAN. I'd be tucking my ankles behind my ears for this one faster than you could say 'goulash'!
And then I ran across this one today. This guy may be classable as a twink, and twinks are not so interesting to me, but damn if this one doesn't do it for me!
I can already feel those furry abs rubbing against the belly of my cock with his every plunge. I can also feel how I'll be walking like I just got off a tractor when he's blasted me full of his load. On second thought, maybe I'll just do some sword-swallowing.
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encroaching increase of darkness - 2008-11-02
Bones - 2008-09-20
random bitchings and musings - 2008-07-09
Man with Huge Cock - 2008-07-04
Eric and other crazy shit - 2008-06-29
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