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This is too much fun. I have to share it up front:
Now, I'm not butch for days, but I do have a sense of camp and usually "pass". Actually, I barely made it out of fag school. My highest grades were in Cocksucking, did pretty well in Buttboy too. In Window Treatments, Couture, and Hair Dressing, though, I bombed miserably. I actually got an award for my cocksucking prowess. I display it proudly in my office... which may be why I have these young studs frequenting my office at work. Tanner's still an issue, now another one, Ed, is becoming one. The former is 20, the latter is 18, the yours truly is 42. How come (cum?) these hotties weren't chasing me when I was their age? That's all a 'nother ball of wax.
Mr. Right Now I found today porn surfing, as opposed to doing what I was supposed (and am supposed to be) doing. The brunch was with a former colleague (yep, I slept with her many times and goddamn!) and her new husband (who's woof beyond expression). Well, this dude (in pic) is to my tastes to die for.
Ok. Since I could write oodles of catch up shit on Tanner -- who's become a MAJOR ball'n'chain/heartache lately, I'll skip to other, easier things to deal with.
Mr. Quondam, whom you may recall as JWB or Rryan (anti-google move there the misspell. That was the reason for that lock in the first place. And yep, I'm gonna go back and (how tedious for me) respell)... I hate long parentheticals. Oh. Rryan. I have grown so 'whatever' about him anymore I shock myself. No hate, no love, just memories, and given the distance now, I can see so much better what happened. I won't discount the role of my madness in the debacle, or that when loon meets loon the result goes geometric. Between him and me the chemistry was... well, chemistry. Pheremones. (fuck the spelling) However 'higher order' we are, we still have a bit of our brains we share with lizards. Though opinions may vary, when I think of him, scent comes first, then taste, then feel, then sound, then eventual vision. His image does nothing for me anymore. He's more or less a dead letter now. I want nothing to do with him, but not in a visceral sense. I don't want to see him and hope that I never do again. That sounds all 'woman scorned', but it isn't. I don't wish him well. I don't wish him bad. I just don't wish him. Does that make sense to ANYONE out there?
Ed. Oy! Not that I'm Jewish, but damn don't I love that expression! Didn't I mention him before? Another youngun', 19, maybe only 18. He seems to have it for me bad. He's about 5'10", 160, blond/blue (not my type, but hey), and built like he played QB on his HS football team. Damn. In the dark they're all brunettes, eh? But this dude's hair is so blond I'll bet you could read by it at night.
Bobby. OMFG. I dealt with him all year last year. Yep. Blond/blue, but built like a brick shithouse like a QB would be, and sweet on me like you have no idea! And his affection only get more forcefuller! I can whack over him till there's no tomorrow. He's also scarily Christian (though C of E), sees his conflict in being hot for me, and godfuckindammit. Why are they attracted to me? JWB and this woof are closet gaga for me, but so is Tanner, and Tanner is openly gay. Meanwhile the Sethster is at a total loss, not over them, just in general.
Not enough diary venting. That would help. I hurt in ways that I should be venting here. That's what this freakin' diary began for for me. A place to let hang out all that I can't any where else. I have a secret life. Here I dump. Don't like it? Don't look. So expect more. I'm back. Naughty pictures are always in my wake. My nature. Would only that I could understand my nature. I'm a freakin' whacko.
Another question is need I understand me or just accept me and be aware only of how the thrashings makes hurtful ripples on the shores of those who truly love me?
The LO's home. Ciao ciao.
~seth~
Oops. Miniscule self-reference days must be consciously done. How fuckin' irritating passive aggressive folk are! Tanner is one of them. So's the LO. That's the culture down here in the slave states, so I shouldn't be surprised when I hook up with them.
A happier nap thought to off to is waiting for the bloody lift at Russell Square.
There's where I belong. Not here.
"There" and "here" can be interpreted many ways.
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Have any comments you'd like to share?
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encroaching increase of darkness - 2008-11-02
Bones - 2008-09-20
random bitchings and musings - 2008-07-09
Man with Huge Cock - 2008-07-04
Eric and other crazy shit - 2008-06-29
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