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There, ya sluts. Thought that would get your attention!
Here's something that got my attention and got me distracted. YES! Lucky bitch who is such a goddess to me, though we've yet to meet face to face, cock to twat, tongue to clit... Oops. That was suggestive and no doubt offended my lady's delicate sensibilities.
Another goddess got my mind churning today (as she often does, but this time the big head not the little one!) I know of which she writes too well. Same phenom bitch slapped me yesterday.
Now on to less double the fun...
As I sort of sideways wrote earlier, Tanner, the LO, work, one of my boys, and stupid frikkin depression have kept several boots on my neck, which is not my scene, so no, Precious hasn't been a happy camper. I haven't been bludgeoned by the above enough to be contemplating suicide again, so that's a plus. I'm just at a loss. If I'd taken the time to let off steam here things might be better. I didn't, so here I am, back again, with my rants, hyper-sex drive, and bleeding all over the goddamn place with my effusive needs and frustrated desires.
My great need is to be held and allowed to be weak all night by someone whose thoughts are me, not every other frigging thing he has to do the next day. Perfunctory spoonages are obvious and I don't want any anymore. I'm important to many, but also taken for granted by many. That shit's gotta stop. It's only been wearing away my self-esteem, which has been tenuous enough all my life.
But hey, tenuous is a step up from hopeless!
I'm still looking for me. You'd think at 42 I'd have found me by now. Not so much. I know I'm not 'normal', but I gotta wonder if others, guys in particular, feel the same. I still feel the same fears and joys as I ever did. I remember the emotional pains I felt as a 12 year old -- the rape is a different matter. Actually I don't 'remember' them, I still live them. The innards feel the same, but the carcass that totes them around become unrecognizable. It's like my life has been one long search for something and I'll be damned if I know what that something is!
My heart is way big. Too big it seems. Confused as well.
I have a huge crisis between where compassion begins and selfishness ends... or vice versa.
Anybody got any thoughts on that?
That's it for now. Specifics soon.
~seth~
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Have any comments you'd like to share?
[So far 0 smart ass remarks have been made.]
encroaching increase of darkness - 2008-11-02
Bones - 2008-09-20
random bitchings and musings - 2008-07-09
Man with Huge Cock - 2008-07-04
Eric and other crazy shit - 2008-06-29
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