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My first of the evening? That jerk had this whole thing planned!
You jerk! You had this whole thing planned!
Don't worry. I didn't forget your anchovies. I always thought it odd that I like eating pussy, but not anchovies, and for you it's just the opposite. 'Damn funny world,' as my guy used to say.
He toted the pizza box from the door to the dining room table triumphantly, then scooted to the kitchen to snag plates and paper towels. A couple forks too just to make sure things appeared civilized.
I watched him in amazement. He looked so at home. So happy to be home.
He was also trying so hard, maybe even too hard, to make up for the past. It warmed my heart, even if at the same time I knew we had no future. Just enjoy the present and part on a high note?
Have I told you yet today?
He was busy divvying slices onto plates. I knew the question and where the conversation would lead. It had become a stock conversation. I let it. I missed it. I missed him. He was back. Except this time I knew he was a ghost in flesh, soon to go poof again. So WTF. Enjoy.
Told me what?
That I love you more.
More than what? Gangrene?
Than you love me.
You're deluded. No one loves you more than I do.
At that he dropped what he was doing and ran to me. Rather than wrap his arms around me, burying his face in my neck as usually happened, he shocked me. He grabbed my head by the hair, forced my face an inch from his, and yelled at me. I'd never seen him so angry (?) before. Clutching my hair way tighter than he needed to, he got in my captive face, began to shake my head violently and yell
YOU DON'T GET IT! I LOVE YOU! YOU!!! I'VE NEVER FELT THIS WAY I FEEL ABOUT ANYONE. BUT I CAN'T LIVE LIKE THIS. I WANT YOU IN MY LIFE FOREVER, BUT I CAN'T HAVE YOU. I CRY EVERY NIGHT WANTING YOU, KNOWING WHAT I DID.
Another violent jerk to my head by the hair and he let it go.
I was stunned. I'd never really seen this side of him before, so I just stared blankly. I must have looked scared, because he continued
I miss you. I miss you so fucking much!
I felt the same, but couldn't really bring myself to say it. I broke the pregnant pause.
Shhhhhh. The pizza's getting cold.
K.
I went back to the pizza serving biz and left him there sobbing. It wasn't long before he wandered up behind me, wrapped gentle arms and whispered
I hurt you again. I'm really frustrated now. You're the only rock I can count on.
Me? Rock? I cross reached my arms in front of me to grab his elbows and gently pried them apart.
Shhh. We'll talk. We'll spoon up and talk. I'm not going anywhere, Babe. Our pizza's getting cold. Let's snuggle on the couch you, me, and a tray table.
In response I got a nod. Good enough.
I managed to fit 6 pieces onto a plate. He sat waiting for me on the couch. As I set the plate down I remembered the beers. I turned to go get them but he grabbed my hand and basically made me sit next to him. His hand went for my head again, but before I had a chance to flinch his flat hand with fingers spread was slowly caressing the back of my head, petting my hair.
I'm sorry. I shouldn't have just done that. I love you. I love you so much. I'm scared now. I'm moving next week and I'm not sure where I'm going. You're the only one who truly cared for me.
I beamed. Didn't want to, but I did. I kissed him lightly on the lips and went for the beers. Seconds later I was back and he was already eating. He was always a chowhound. How he could eat so much and remain looking emaciated always pissed me off.
Look at me!
He dangled an entire anchovy over his upturned gaping maw and dropped it, very excited and pleased with himself. Goofball. Yep. Old times. My guy 23 going on 13. Always wanting my approval and scared shitless of anything less. I decided to join him by snagging a slice of pepperoni off his slice and doing the same.
Not the same. You love swallowing sausage!
How did you like your appetizer?
Point taken.
He patted the cushion right next to him to get me to sit flush. I obliged. His left hand landed on my leg, fingers slipping between my thighs while the right hand didn't miss a beat stuffing his face. He looked in hog heaven. He had food, beer, and his guy. What else was there to ask for?
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encroaching increase of darkness - 2008-11-02
Bones - 2008-09-20
random bitchings and musings - 2008-07-09
Man with Huge Cock - 2008-07-04
Eric and other crazy shit - 2008-06-29
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