2005-07-17
2:57 p.m.

hope for return

I really piss me off when I'm reminded how important sharing in this damn diary can be to me. I mean Christ on the left side of the cross, it (and you guys) have been such supporters (well, except for one jerk as I recall) listening and getting me through all that JWB madness. Just the vent place in itself is fantastic. It's great to write a diary. Just that whole 'spill all' without feeling like you're shouting into the wind.

Irony in that since I've been so quiet so much has been swirling around me! All the more reason to be sharing! But no. Did I say 'reasons'? Try 'excuses'.

Part of me wants to just pick up with my story today. Part feels that I should get a running start and catch up on all that's happened since I really stopped updating in earnest. One of my d-land buds bitch-slapped me into that awakening. In a note, straight dude that he is, he offered me a 'special prize that I'd appreciate' for updating. Given his diary, who in the name of shite knows?! It could be a blow up Ken doll or I'm scared to think. Whatever he had in mind, straight as he is, he supports me. A couple lady friends have as well, one, if not both of whom, I fear I've offended by my silence. Another sweet feller too who wrote with AIM info and I haven't even replied to his email and has stuck with me all through that quondam madness.

Why I do shit like that to people is beyond me. With iPeople it should be easy. Except for me, not so much. But I do it to everyone. There's an issue to fish out! (or surf'n'turf as my case may be.) Maybe because I grew up hiding from family and peers. Popping my head out only seemed to get me pelted with rocks and filth. Children live what they learn. I'm still there, I guess.

I'm a guy that needs to share and not hold 'secrets' tight. I do around those around me, but damn if it doesn't feel brilliant to let them rip. Quite volcano-esque.

Please leave your comp at this moment and go look in a mirror. See me there? Even a glimmer?

I've made updating a daily thing on my daily routine. But there's so fucking much background from my lapse! Of all times to write, this has been so crucial. You guys speak to me, as anonymous readers who wag their heads ignoring their own plights, write me vitriol, or those brilliant balls-out folk that write in notes or whatever how fucked up I am, but who isn't? But stay with it/me. So I do.

I'm sorry for whomever I've left feeling dissed.

I have several jewels, my P is first in mind, not to mention an amazing chick up north of the border, and the aforementioned straight dude, and another of my kind, genitally anyway.

Thank you. All of you. For keeping me tethered. You've made an impact in my life.

Ketchup and noose forthcoming.

Seth

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encroaching increase of darkness - 2008-11-02

Bones - 2008-09-20

random bitchings and musings - 2008-07-09

Man with Huge Cock - 2008-07-04

Eric and other crazy shit - 2008-06-29

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