2007-01-17
5:13 p.m.

stalemate 7

I awoke from my doze totally disoriented. Why was I lying on the living room floor on my back wearing nothing but socks baffled me. It was the slurpy sound and sensation that had woken me up. Then I remembered. Damn! That ride he gave me must have been exhausting! I looked down and saw Brian's eyes trained on mine, kind of in a kilroy way since his mouth was quite full of my balls and taint. His eyes were limpid in that loving 'I want to please you' look, not that fiery lust look.

Time for round two. I need to feel you inside me, on top of me.

There went the 'need' word again! It felt SO good and my heart was melting, but I (actually!) was able to regain my senses enough to make him stop. I couldn't quite grab him to pull him up to me. Best I could do was do an ab crunch and grab him by the hair, which I did. He took the hint and popped up to lie on top of me. I immediately used my body to roll him off of me. I caught him with my arm, though, and held him to my side. He snuggled against me, resting his head on my shoulder and starting to pet and play with my pelt.

You're my man. You know that, don't you?

What about that twiggy little Chinese wife you've been "in a relationship" with?

Oh. You mean Aaron? My current boyfriend? He's another story. I'll get around to that. For the moment I just want you to know you're my man.

So I'm your man, eh?

Brian gave a pinch twist to one of my nipples, snagged a bit of adjacent fur between finger and thumb, and tugged roughly.

Yea. Man.

We had had a certain tension, a few tensions actually, that had dogged our Brokebackish Mountain relationship from the git-go. The tension in question was our age difference. He was born the month after I graduated from college. Yikes! He wanted me to take him under my wing and help/guide him out of the prison he'd made for himself. A kind, caring, attractive gay man, well educated, and not 'well' to do, but not living hand to mouth. I was also taken, though, and almost for as long as he'd been alive. How to win this prize? (i.e. me) He'd worked on me for nearly a year pulling out every trick in the book. I did all I could to make him go away for that entire year. Bit by bit he wore me down.

So there we were lying on the floor wearing only socks. (There's a jewelry dynamic too which I won't get into right now.)

So what do you want from me now?

Nothing.

Except for me to fuck your brains out.

NO! You're not getting it!

The "it" being...

I don't know how to get you back. I mean your confidence and love. No one has or ever will love me so unconditionally as you. I fucked up big time.

Well, yea. There's been too much emotional abuse from you. I don't deserve it. I've always supported you, I've always guided, I've always been here when you've fallen, I've always been... your whipping boy, a safe place to vent all your anger over anything. And I've taken it. That's my bad. It's all way co-ey and toxic.

It's a stalemate. We love and want each other, but can't have each other. I'm in the best place I could have ever wished for, so here I should and will stay. You've got a world to explore...

Yea. I know. And I am. And this is the first time I've shut you out.

And violently, which is where I draw the line to say no more. Don't assume I'll be here. Stop taking me for granted. You worked hard to win me. Now you've been working hard to lose me.

He said nothing, which didn't surprise me. He did start petting my chest again, though. How to read that I had no idea.

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encroaching increase of darkness - 2008-11-02

Bones - 2008-09-20

random bitchings and musings - 2008-07-09

Man with Huge Cock - 2008-07-04

Eric and other crazy shit - 2008-06-29

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Thinkin' 'bout: I'd like a nap.

Dog(s) keeping me company: T

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