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Here comes some sappy shit. Read or move on. Fair warning.
And why do I apologize in my own friggin diary for my own friggin entries? I could go into that, but I won't. I've only met one other d-land person in the flesh, and he's among the most beautiful men/people I've ever met. I mean spiritually he has wonderful vision, emotionally he's alive, intellectually he's on task, and physically, apart from the peck I got on the way out of his truck, all I can say is that his beau is one lucky bastard!!! He'll remain in my pantheon of men whom I wish I'd have met earlier. His blog reflects his beauty, but you'd have to meet him to understand. Here's to you, dude. *insert scotch rocks / martini clink here* You know who you are.
BL remains close, but I won't jump him. Had I the time now I'd unpack that. He and his 'two mommies' are coming over for dinner tomorrow night. It will be interesting. None of them, so far as I know, knows the extent of the relationship BL and I have established. What it is, dear diary, is this. He loves me and wants me, but can't have me. He also wants me physically, but is scared. He's still a total virgin in every sense, and scared (in a psychological sense) of physical intimacy. He'll kiss me, even with parted lips, but waiting for ME to do the tongue thing, then if I do, he panics.
Here's the math I'm doing. I don't need another unstable in his sexuality guy in my life. Ryan wanted to be and declared himself to be "bi". Whatever. I was the greatest love of his life. He knows and has said that. He doesn't want to like guys. He doesn't want to and doesn't like to suck cock either. Tell my cock that. He saw no lack of enthusiam there!
He also misses the attention. I've have more than a few blow jobs, but he was the best. Much of his being so hot is probably because I was so in love with him that he could do no wrong. Given the distance now, I gotta say that he sucked me off like a champ, and I dare anyone to do better.
It was a year ago today that I broke up with Ryan, and I had a strange near encounter with him today.
How to make this short?
BL and I are mighty close now. I spill all and vice versa. The day before yesterday I ran across the blog of a chick who was shacking up with him (unbeknownst to me) the day I broke up with him and he (hours later) attempted suicide.
So yeah, today's the anniversary of our end. What went on today to too frigging strange to explain.
I came out the other end of the experience pretty much ok. As for BL, SA, or Ryan, I've yet to learn. As for the last two in that list, if their scared, double thinking, or whatever, fine by me. Each is way fucked up and they deserve each other. Watch for a mushroom cloud.
BL I've heard from. He's cool. He and his two mommies are coming for dinner tomorrow night.
It's so confusing, and I'm sure I've made nothing more than muddled in this blog lately.
I'll try again tomorrow.
BL just IMed. Gotta scoot. He's such a balm to my heart.
~seth~
I love Ryan. I miss him like crazy. But that one. Not this one. This one is fucking scary. I should be glad to be rid of him. So why ain't I?
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If you're wondering, I continue to work on the LO. I have to lose Ryan, which I can't, first. I need to find a place for him apart. Now BL needs a spot too.
Merde.
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Have any comments you'd like to share?
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encroaching increase of darkness - 2008-11-02
Bones - 2008-09-20
random bitchings and musings - 2008-07-09
Man with Huge Cock - 2008-07-04
Eric and other crazy shit - 2008-06-29
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