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The party last night was ok. KP said something (unbidden) about being weirded out that jwb has 4 tattoos. I told her I had three. She wanted to see them, so I took her in another room and showed her all three. She weirded at the one on my wrist, liked the one on my upper arm, then for the third I had to bare my hairy breast, which she liked, tatt or tit I couldn't tell.
I might have hung on CB a little too much. He's weird like that. Sometimes he'll hang on me, even kiss me and tell me he loves me, then other times get real distant. All I need is another closet case in my life. I thought he had his shit squared away. Danger, Will Robinson! Danger!
Pity that just yesterday I noticed for the first time in... 8 years? what a nice package he has. Then again, I'd never looked. I'll bet he's a good lay, but not a good idea. He'll be in St. Louis for a couple of the days too. If he starts coming on to me I'll be in a damned if I do situation. I hope not.
The real news came this morning. Around 4 the LO was getting out of bed and starting to get dressed. I asked him why he was getting up, he said he had stuff to do. I reminded him that he was also exhausted from his trip and had to come back to bed. He did. Then about an hour later, as I was lying half asleep, guess who's very lightly, very gently feeling me up? WOO HOO! OK. So it was just a hand job, but I didn't ask for it. It's a start! If taking it slow is what it takes, taking it slow is what I'll do.
On the jwb front, he ran into me twice today. First time he stuck his nose in the air, second time was puppy dog eyes. I ignored him both times, same as I have been doing. He's the one all over the map, not me. Sure I hurt and bleed and if you can believe it, have things that upset me concerning him that I haven't even shared yet. Anyway, the great thing concerning him is that my no reaction to him continues. When I see him I'm not fazed. This isn't setting with him well, but that's his problem. It's gonna take a long time for him and me to get over each other, and I doubt we ever will. I haven't changed. He still wants me. He's changed. I miss him, but don't want anything to do with him now as he is. When he's gone and we don't get to rip each other's hearts out daily it will be easier. For me anyway. He'll have to bear the burden of denying his sexuality, perhaps for the rest of his life, which, I fear, will be short. I have a sad prediction that within a few years he'll put a gun to his head. I shudder to think it.
I'm backed up with the erotica I want to write. I'll get there. Certainly now that the fever has broken.
Right now I need to get my schedule for my St. Louis trip figured out. I need to find time for Mikey-boy, and for a d-land bud I'm going to meet for cocktails, maybe dinner.
So off I go to do that stuff. I'd be better able to concentrate if I could get Philip's left nipple off my mind. Or any of that new guy at work.
Seth
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encroaching increase of darkness - 2008-11-02
Bones - 2008-09-20
random bitchings and musings - 2008-07-09
Man with Huge Cock - 2008-07-04
Eric and other crazy shit - 2008-06-29
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Thinkin' 'bout: tween sam adams and martini time
Dog(s) keeping me company: st louis schedule
Current read: 60