2004-03-28
3:30 p.m.

tits to towel racks ... yum

it's another frigging sunday afternoon. against my better judgement it's only 2 and i just started my second martini. i think part of the reason i got the first one might be because 1.5 hours ago, as i was tilling me garden, i spotted guess whose car half a block away. he has no business in my neighborhood but me. sun's glare kept me from seeing him sitting in there. i'll bet he was waiting for the L O to leave. the L O left, i ran inside to whip up a little dutch courage. half an hour after the L O left so did he. chickened out i guess. so did i.

so friday morning i decided it's time for change. i didn't want to go the vineyard to do spring pruning and training because last year he was with me and helped. when i finally went and did it, i cried nearly the whole time.

so friday morning i decided enough. if you've read the past stuff you know i'm really not looking forward to that meeting in st. louis in a couple weeks because last year i took him with me and for five days we only left the room a few times. our connections deepened so much then on all levels, and because of that the sex was beyond description! so i'm not eager to go this year. scared, in fact. i can see myself spending the whole time in my room, chain smoking and drinking. and crying. well, that's what did fear.

this conference moves around. last year it was in lexington, ky. the year before it was in austin, tx. that year i got a wild hair up my ass and hired an escort. first time for that. this guy was fantastic. 'brandon' he called himself. good looking, well built, not especially hung, but that was and is a big whatever for me. i asked and paid for an hour. he stayed for two. we held each other, kissed some, touched, a little mutual oral. neither ever came. but it was the most erotic, sensual experience i've ever had. such a gentle heart too. i wish him well.

so friday morning, thinking about the vineyard, and all that JWB has spoiled for me, i decided things needed to be defused. all the things i avoid and dread need to be met and dealt with, as differently as possible.

so friday morning i shopped. i need to have an erotic experience with someone like enough but unlike JWB. i found another 'brandon', except this one is 'mike'. you saw his torso entry before last. we've exchanged some steamy emails and he's sent me some pics. i won't share them, only the ones that are already posted on the web. for example:

which part of this would anyone like to argue with?

the differences between Mike and JWB are not few:

late 20s, not early
gay, not confused (though equally butch)
fee monetary, not emotional
blond, not brunette
flattop, not mop
blue eyes, not brown
smooth shaven, not goateed
shoulders, not physique of a toothpaste tube
muscled, not bony
pierced nips, not ears
10, maybe 8 gauge, not 14
basically smooth, not variously hairy
dick a little bigger than mine, not a little smaller
amazing low hangers, not olives
masculine legs, not toothpicks
obviously i haven't heard the voice, or smelled, or tasted

from the reviews i've read and the emails we've exchanged, he sounds like the exorcist i need and then some.

there's another already on the net pic i can share:

so now i'm actually VERY looking forward to St. Louis!!!

i'm also hoping to get over what blocks me, get my sexual side going again, and get the L O inspired to do something other than just lie there and play resuscitation alan.


date night was better than usual. we summoned the local chinaman and watched S.O.B. if you haven't seen it, and are a fan of satire, it's a must see (certainly if you want to see julie andrews' tits). amazing all-star cast too!

yesterday was a good day. i got a lot of shit done outside, and outside is where i need to be.

last night was the first night the L O and i were able to resume our beloved ritual of sitting outside on the patio/grape arbor, sipping wine, eating stinky cheese, and doing something together. last night, as is the majority of cases, we sat with dueling ibooks. the togetherness was, as is too often the case, merely spatial.

out of the blue he says, "heard anything from JWB lately?"

i fumbled a little, said a few bland yet derogatory yet compassionate things, then moved the conversation to mercury.

at that point it was dusky, so we walked a block away to the elementary school, cocktails in hand, up to a plateau hill there that has an unobstructed view, especially of the west.

(i've been fascinated with astronomy since a kid. i very nearly majored in physics in college with a view toward cosmology (that's study of the universe for any sad queen readers who want to think i just misspelled 'cosmetology')).

and i saw in a string starting from the setting sun, to mercury, then venus, mars, the moon, saturn, and jupiter.

it was beyond a thrill for me. i sat there after the L O left. i sat there with my cocktail staring at mercury until he set. i've always wanted to see mercury, but could never catch him. last night i did. fantastic!

this morning i humped stretch 3x, woke up with a 4th boner (unresolved), coffee, porn, the new Lowe's (where i was hit on only once), tilled the garden (spotted his car), started picking up dog shit in the yard, the L O left, and here i sit typing. 1.5 hours have gone by.

stuff to do.

Seth

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encroaching increase of darkness - 2008-11-02

Bones - 2008-09-20

random bitchings and musings - 2008-07-09

Man with Huge Cock - 2008-07-04

Eric and other crazy shit - 2008-06-29

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