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from that last entry last night you can tell that my mood didn�t change one awful lot last night. before writing it i surfed around my pictures to find some close call look alikes to post. i found a bunch and uploaded them for future posting. i even entertained the thought of making a contact sheet page with clickable thumbnails. i also looked back over all the pictures i�ve already posted and had a bit of a tee-hee in that, well, let�s just say it�s totally possible i�ve already posted him and forgot. i can get pretty reckless when i�m three sheets to the wind and i�ve written more than one entry in that condition. rather than go through writing code for a where�s waldo line up of skinny guys page, i�m just going to include a pic or two in nearly every post along with other hotties as i�ve been doing. we could call it the dead ringer series. here�s one to start it off:
damn those chair arms! i could straddle and impale myself on him and nibble at that goat for days!
so last night was date night. we ate left over meatloaf and watched the repeat of Queer Eye from the other night (skater guy). then went to bed. i read in my book for about half an hour. i think the L O only lasted 10 minutes before turning out his lamp. at least during the show i got on the couch and forced physical contact. this morning stretchy time came early, only i donned it before he got out of bed and humped him instead of mr. b p.
last night was one long series of nightmares. the only one i can remember had something to do with moving into a new house that turned out to be smaller than the shoebox we already own and crazy stuff like the kitchen cupboards turned out to be made of painted cardboard, the molding was balsa wood. and we couldn�t find the dogs. i dream about houses a lot. i wonder what�s up with that. they�re always bad dreams, too. a few of the times i woke up i found myself trying to figure out what to say to JWB next time he tries to force a conversation. i dread that day. whatever dream those moments came out of were lost immediately.
might as well post another picture now.
something kind of trashy with this guy. maybe that�s his mystique!
i just now decided to pick at the scab and see if he�s online. he is. yesterday i was thinking there are too many damn guys with his first name. what�s worse is that his last name is a common object. so if names/words are triggers for me � which they are � it�s going to take a while for me to desensitize. merde.
anyway, around 4 this morning i couldn�t make that 'what to say to him' thought shit stop, so i got up to do something to break the spell. i checked my email since i�m expecting responses from a few people. apart from like 20 �re-finance y0ur barely teen v1�gra!� spam shit, someone had signed my guestbook. yeah! a friendly voice when i needed one! but it was that �dude, where�s my blowjob you promised?� was that supposed to be funny? no signature. i felt like i was being made fun of by someone who can only get bold when hiding behind a keyboard. maybe it was a joke and i already felt i was under assault, and you know how the saying goes: when you�re holding a hammer everything looks like a nail. then, being the masochist that i am, i checked to see who�s online. when the list (very short at 4 a.m.!) appeared, the first name i laid eyes on was that of one of his tricks from last spring � one that we had talked about and used as erotica leading to a really hot sex session. sidebar on that... actually, it�s long enough to be another entry and fodder for more *stories*. no time soon though. this one had too many conflicting versions told by him and started my questioning how many lies i�d ever been told by him. she�s also the one i suspect gave him warts. so that hurtful shit got added to the hurtful shit of the future and i went back to bed worse off than when i started. i lay awake for forever it seemed. then the bone from nowhere and i humped the old man in pseudo-fuck.
in my taste i draw a line at too much muscle and another at too little body fat. this dude straddles both lines. i�d straddle him though, but then show him the door. biggest drawback? he looks like too much attitude.
with morning coffee i check mail again. another guestbook entry. a supportive one this time! by a fellow diarist named carriem. sweet comment for me too � that she�s a fellow voyeur. :-D
after reading that i went back to re-read what shadow-box had written me. there were two things actually. he left a note and sent an email, both in response to my �response� entry, and then some. the then some part is entre nous. at any rate, his messages were kind, supportive, wise, and sexy. they came at a bad time at the time and had little impact. when in the hole of depression, no one can hear you scream. (concerted will back me on that, won�t you, hon?)
then a double booster came my way. thegoodbiboy made a very hot entry about his morning wood, then sent a private email about how he and i could relieve some tension. he�s so hot! i want to bear his child, or at least be inseminated by him as many times as possible in the effort. weeeeee!!!!!
so i feel much better now. my d-land buds strike again!
that calls for another pic.
this dude has a lot going for him. beauty of a fat cock � uncut no less. near-definition due to just enough muscle and body fat. to continue what i�d written earlier, i like some definition, but not too much. i did a ripped guy once. ugh. nothing sensuous there. the only thing i want hard as a rock is his dick. form can be pleasing to the eye, but a little cushion, please. this dude has both, even if he is relatively hairless. there are two other things going on in this pic that drive me up the wall. ok. three. first, i have a thing for watching guys strip. in particular when they�re taking off a shirt. maybe it�s the way his torso stretches, maybe it�s getting to see his pits (yeah, another fetish of mine is underarms. the skin�s so silky! JWB was HUGELY ticklish there, so we had a game of my catching him off guard and sneaking in a quick lick or suck. ditto for his feet. i only had three unsucked toes left to go before completing the set before the party ended. damn!) the second thing that turns me on is seeing a hot hard cock poking out of a fly. i don�t get it. i�m sure there�s a psychological reason for that. whatever. be it pants or undies, it makes my drooly hard! (for a JWB note on that, another game was for me to free his stiffie from his boxers using only my tongue. it would have been a lot easier if i could have ever started with him flaccid! as i�d written earlier, the sight of me got him swelling, my mere touch sent him rebar.) oh. that third afterthought thing? the pic looks like it was taken in a hotel room. how tawdry. three cheers for tawdry! hip hip hoorah!
so here�s the plan for today:
-SSS
-out the door by 8:30 to hit McD�s and tan
-taxes done by noon
-research black rot and other nasty things
-catch up on emails
-pick up the yard and prune post-winter nast
-till the garden
-deal with pile of shit on desk
-beer/cigarette/lottery run (aka vice run)
-do some work for work
-crochet a piano
am i ambitious or what?
that was theory. here�s practice:
-read diary updates
-look at porn for more dead ringer pics
-half-heartedly google black rot
-finally get dressed
-write this entry
now it�s 1 o�clock. i�m on my fourth beer somehow already and that�s all i�ve accomplished. and now it may be naptime.
one more pic.
well, there�s that shirt thing again, but better view of pits. this dude has a little hair chest and abs. that�s a plus. he�s poking out too, even if he�s not very well endowed. maybe he�s a grower that needs a little fluffing (let me! let me! *jumps up and down hand raised*) looks like another hotel room too.
well, that�s enough, more than enough for today. but don�t be surprised if there�s another entry. it may be another d-day!
xoxox
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encroaching increase of darkness - 2008-11-02
Bones - 2008-09-20
random bitchings and musings - 2008-07-09
Man with Huge Cock - 2008-07-04
Eric and other crazy shit - 2008-06-29
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