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my mother was recently rummaging the attic and found a box with a whole bunch of my school shit, i mean construction paper valentine�s cards with glitter and paper doilies and such. among the such were my report cards and progress reports. as she was reading through them and found something she thought was funny. it was a comment on a progress report from my first quarter of first grade it said:
Seth gets easily frustrated.
plus �a change...
my thanks to both the readers who offered some words to me on my tantrum last night. i needed both their thoughts. i was really close to posting some pics of JWB and they pulled me back from the edge. first, chris wrote that i should if it would be cathartic, but don�t if it wouldn�t. i sat and pondered that. at the time what would have been really cathartic would have been to hog-tie jwb and toss him off a bridge, so posting pics paled in cathartic value � but still be cathartic. well, while i was pondering that, another reader had (and took!) the time to write me a very long, reflective, and calming email. s/he suggested it would be a vengeful thing to do that i may regret later. s/he is also right. deep breath, count to ten...
this morning as i lounged in bed, JWB was on my mind as he always is then. i managed to get off twice in an hour with mr. bp and my buddy strech, each time fantasizing about if he�d let me go balls deep that day when i only manage to get my head in that day. the first round was slow and sensual. the second was a pretty violent grudge fuck. very satisfying, even if only a simulation.
i also got an idea on how to satisfy my need for catharsis and be less vengeful about it. i will at some point post a pic, but it will be anonymous and accompanied by others. that way i get my jollies and no one will know the difference.
then i got up, got my coffee, and found an interesting email waiting for me � not from a reader, but from a local. ya see, people knew that he and i were close buds, then suddenly not even on speaking terms. some had even heard of his betrayal, but they also knew him well enough to take whatever he said with a grain of salt and that he needed a fall guy. his sudden conversion to something so extreme proved that he was off his rocker. (no one knows about just how close we really were. no one.) anyway, this little e-birdie is still on speaking terms with him and still friends of sorts with him. he (JWB) has managed to alienate just about everyone. this person is also just biding time for him to go away. well, the birdie told me to look at JWB�s web page. he�d finally updated it. i responded with the single word �interesting�. e-birdie added something to the Acapulco news. apparently JWB has been e-stalking/bothering that chick down there, saying that as soon as he can he�s moving down to be with her and is in love with her and they can get married, etc. she has told him repeatedly thanks but no thanks, no, don�t, do not dare. e-birdie has been shown emails, so s/he knows. JWB insists that she loves him and is just scared of marriage and having children yet. he is a persistent and obsessive feller. he chased me for 2.5 years before he wore me down, helped, of course, by my concurrently eroding marriage. his pattern, in all things actually, has been to focus on one thing, get it, then abandon it for a new obsession. dumb ass that i am, i thought i was different. oh, his latest obsession, this chick, is about 6 weeks old. he knew her previously and hasn�t seen her in about 5 years. oh dear. bigger oh dear for her. i�ll bet dollars to donuts that he�ll fly down there and show up at her doorstep expecting to move right in whatever her protestations. it won�t be pretty.
why should i care? somehow, for some reason, i�m finding this news validating. liberating even. not exactly sure why, but it does explain a lot. maybe i�ll bore you with those ruminations later.
i gotta get to work, where, if i see him, i may titter.
and now a gratuitous nudie pic (for chris):
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encroaching increase of darkness - 2008-11-02
Bones - 2008-09-20
random bitchings and musings - 2008-07-09
Man with Huge Cock - 2008-07-04
Eric and other crazy shit - 2008-06-29
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