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it�s been a good day. my presentations were fantastic. i impressed me! yeah! did you ever have hesitancy and fear of fucking something up, then do it and look back and say �wow! I did that?! cool!
i saw JWB today, but just the back of him. he didn�t see me i�m positive. a pang of sad, but that�s all. i really am processing this idea of his being someone i don�t like, don�t know, and don�t want to. he�s so not who i knew! and why would i want an untrustworthy, feckless tinderbox of a snake-oil salesman back in my life anyway? what he did for me: he loved me, he worshiped me, he made love to me, it was all good because i loved him. or i loved who he made me think he was. or i loved who i wanted him to be. whatever the case, the ultimate answer is none of the above. i don�t know him now, and i never did. i�ll never get over him, though. i�ll never stop missing him, even if he was a phantom.
i�m playing Abba again. SOS is playing at the moment. so? shut up! it�s not like i just blew $187 on shoes! ;-)
i went to tanning today. 15 minutes. so far so good. i have a pair of �tan-thru� swimming trunks just the right size to cover those parts that see the sun not so often, hence the parts that smart the most lately. i figured they might offer a bit of a buffer. well, they�re tight spandex which isn�t a problem, but they�re all glittery blue and the look is so International Male. if i had one of those bods i wouldn�t worry! (about anything, actually! woo hoo!) i wore them for underwear today. tee-hee. tight is fun and different, but i prefer the freeball feel of boxers. anyway, being in a locked room alone :-( it wouldn�t matter, but they�re new, i haven�t washed them yet (hand washing delicate garments is a drag), and when i dropped my jeans i was standing in front of a fan and a cloud of blue glitter issued forth. oy. i couldn�t imagine climbing in the tanning sarcophagus and leaving a field of glitter behind. what would surly troll girl think? �what was seth doing in there? and alone?!�
well, seth lay there naked and fondled himself a little with nary a bit of thickening. big fartin� deal. feh!
btw, the tanning schtick is working on the psoriasis. yeah!
my d-land fuck-buddy has given me permission to post his seth poem. those of a nervous disposition ought not go there. occasionally i�m this violent, but as a rule i�m a man with a slow hand.
my entry about my boy got a lot of response. thank you. he means the world to me. so when he goes, what will happen to my world?
lest i wander into a maudlin tangent, here are some other doggie pics:
and for balance...
i�ll write about my other two boys soon.
i�ll carry that last story on to part 3 soon too, but i�m afraid my guy john has had a change of heart. :-(
another thing i�d like to write about is my sexuality. it�s odd. i don�t get it. writing about it would help me explore it and understand me better.
this evening i�ve been loving on the L O. maybe i�ll get laid. doubt it. if nothing else, i�ve initiated a day for us. i should have done it a long time ago, then again, a long time ago i found myself shut out and at the bottom of his list, hence the opening for JWB to sink his selfish hook into my heart.
bastard.
i am now resolved to go to the kitchen and drink wine and eat stinky cheese. i love stinky cheese. weeeee!
oh, if i didn�t mention, Tarq seems to be over it. whew!
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encroaching increase of darkness - 2008-11-02
Bones - 2008-09-20
random bitchings and musings - 2008-07-09
Man with Huge Cock - 2008-07-04
Eric and other crazy shit - 2008-06-29
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