2004-03-08
8:58 p.m.

my best friend

nothing sexy in this one.

summer of �95 i was down here in Deliverance all alone. the L O was still up in Buffalo finishing his degree. i had a couple cats that i�d had since �84 -- they have stories too.

i don�t look to take in the critters with pedigrees and lineage and all that. i take the unwanted. i understand being unwanted. four on the floor have no voice, no one cares about them. i do. if you want to see me cry, get violent, show me an animal abused. especially a dog. they�ve been with us, helping, hunting, guarding for well over 100,000 years. we owe them. we needed them. now they need us.

back to that summer. living in apartments as i had since i�d left home, i finally had a house with a yard. dog time. i don�t think it�s right to keep a dog in an apartment, unless it�s an ankle biter. sorry if i offend the tea cup chihuahua crowd, but my definition of a dog, as i wrote earlier, is whether or not i have to bend over to touch it. those that i don�t have to for i consider �proper� dogs. that�s just me. (there�s another rant in there, but not now.)

so that summer, since i�d scored a house with a really big yard � i was renting, just got my first REAL job � it was very dog time. dogs, proper dogs, need Lebensraum. now i had it. in the paper i found a border collie pup, maybe 6 weeks old if that. i called and went to see. the lady had found this tiny border collie self on the side of the road. obviously a puppy litter dump. who can do that?!!! is there a special place in hell for people who do that? wanna see me get violent? that makes me see red like nothing else. so i called and went to see him. there he was. bony, tiny, sick, worms, ticks, fleas, on the edge of death. i took him.

he was scared to death. i closed off the living room and spent a month with him there. 24/7. that first day he stood in the middle of the living room and i witnessed a dark spot growing in the carpet under him. i barked a vowel, grabbed him by the scruff, and marched him outside. and that was that. that was house training. never again.

so for the next month he slept under the couch and i slept on the floor. eventually he came out from under the couch and would curl up against me. but when i woke up and made any gesture toward recognizing him, off he�d run back under the couch. that poor boy was so traumatized. more patience. i still slept there on the floor. he kept coming out to spoon in his tiny puppy way. when i woke up and felt him against me, i made no move apart from a groan and wriggle of recognition. i became a god to him. i am still am. he�s 60 lbs. now and sports an amazing set of choppers. tell you what. don�t fuck with me when he�s around. you�ll lose a limb. i love Tarquin more than anyone. ever. he�s my best friend and defender. i love him so much i�m scared of when he goes. i won�t cry for a while. my hurt will be beyond tears.

it�s so fucking cruel that the most beautiful souls in creation have so short a lifespan. i want Tarq to be there with me when i�m old, but he�ll turn 9 this summer. the clock ticks. i�m crying already. pre-mourning. he�s my boy. i�m his guy. we are beautiful together. i�ve never known the love he gives me, or i him.

i love him more than my life. he's my boy.

he's saved my life a few times too. literally. that's another story.

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encroaching increase of darkness - 2008-11-02

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