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wow. that rant was exhausting last night. if i�m going to get my rant button pushed, i guess it�s better to vent here than going out to find a small child to kick or take an automatic weapon to work. on a happier note, one reader emailed to apologize to me, which was really cool, especially since it was his/her diary that came to be the proverbial �last straw� in my diary surfing for the day! i had an IM convo with another person who suggested that words change meaning over time, which is true, but they don�t change on their own. people change them. after all, it was a conscious effort by the gay community to change �gay� from �happy� to �homo�, for something more positive and affirming to replace the hateful word �faggot�. with gays being among the last socially acceptable hated minority, of course people are free to use �gay� now as a derogatory term. would it be ok if i called you a �nigger� so long as i assured you i meant it in the best possible way?
Sorry. I got rantish again.
i woke up this morning with the burn significantly better, the cold worse, and my neck rather than my pecker stiff. great. at least i didn�t drive the L O away. We slept together all night.
now there�s another term i have trouble with of sorts. it�s not offensive, i just think it�s a stupid euphemism when it�s used to mean �fuck�. i don�t know about you, but when i�m fucking someone, there ain�t a whole lot of sleeping going on!
this is sleeping with someone:
this is fucking:
i can tell the difference. can you?
i noticed the phrase one day last june when JWB was over (and yeah, it�s Sunday afternoon right now, which means he�s on my mind whether i like it or not). anyway, it was a mid-afternoon and he came over and was looking rough around the edges so i asked him why. he told me about how the night before he and his roommate invited these two girls (who were also roommates) whom they had known for a long time as friends to come over to their dorm room. they plied with girls with liquor and stayed up late. JWB wanted to fuck one of them, Lexie, but her roommate, Amanda, want to fuck JWB, but JWB didn�t want to fuck her. JWB started making out with Lexie, squeezing her tits (and boy does she have huge ones!) and feeling her up, meanwhile Amanda is groping his crotch and such. He kept pushing her away (this is according to him � i think i mentioned how vain he is) but she kept trying to force him to change his attention from Lexie to her. finally he said he told his roommate (who was WAY hotter than JWB) to get out of the room and take Amanda with him. he didn�t care what he did with her just get out. so his roommate, Logan, left with her. at this point in the story our dialog went:
�so did Logan fuck her?�
�i don�t know, but i slept with Lexie.�
�oh, she spent the night?�
�no way! as soon as i nailed her and got my rocks i kicked her out.�
�so why�d you say �slept� when you meant �fucked�?�
�ok, so i fucked the bitch and told her to get out.�
silence on my part. i knew Lexie. i was stunned about a lot of what he�d just said. he must have known what was going through my mind because as i was going into the kitchen to get another couple of Molsons he said, �yeah, i know. Lexie. i was drunk and horny. what do you expect?�
more silence from me. i was hoping he hadn�t been so drunk as to forget to use a condom. our strange telepathic connection struck again as he yelled to me, �don�t worry, i used a condom. who knows where that bitch has been.�
yet more silence from me, so when i get back to the dining room where we were sitting, i set the beer in front of him as he was lighting two cigarettes (a ritual with us). he turned it around to put in my mouth (another ritual of ours), he deked me by sticking a finger in there instead, which i bit down on and held (yet another ritual of ours).
we locked eyes, he gave me that shit-eatin� grin he knew melted me everytime. my response was to start sucking and tongue flicking his still trapped fingertip, and he said, �at least i didn�t say �make love�. i only do that with you.�
which we proceeded to do.
oh. i just remembered something. as he was pulling his clothes off, he said, �you�ll find this funny. after i mounted and was pounding away, at one point i closed my eyes and your name just popped out of my mouth. she said, �who?� i just bit my lip and kept banging her brains out.�
i had to laugh. �seth� sounds not even remotely like �lexie�. plus it�s a guy�s name (unlike �pat� or shawn�). that was important because no one, i mean no one knew about his sexuality, let alone that we were lovers. the conversation ended. our mouths got busy with other things.
�lovers� is another word. he was the first to refer to me (obviously only to me) as his �lover�. and it was true. we were. �fuck-buddies� are different, and the difference is really huge in my predicament right now.
i miss him.
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encroaching increase of darkness - 2008-11-02
Bones - 2008-09-20
random bitchings and musings - 2008-07-09
Man with Huge Cock - 2008-07-04
Eric and other crazy shit - 2008-06-29
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