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There is silence. Interminable silence. Finally he says something, mutters something barely audible. All I can make out is "I... sorry... hate me... love... hurt... Seth". I have to fight to keep my left arm from swooping down off the back of the couch. It doesn't know where to go! Fully extended my hand would wind up on his thigh. Bent, on his arm or chest. Forward, on his head. I want to play with his hair and caress his face and coo as I used to for him. I want to trace my fingertips ever so lightly along his upper arm and chest -- something that when he did it for me used to melt me entirely. I want to stroke his thigh and cop a feel...
Wait a sec. Something's odd. Back in the day the slightest physical contact between us had lightening effects. He'd go rebar in a nano-second and I'd start churning out the pre-cum like a friggin' faucet. No one, no one has ever had that effect on me. His baggy jeans don't allow me knowledge of the state of his delicious -- god I want it! -- cock. As for me, maybe only a couple dribbles, but that's it. Could I actually be getting over him? (oh please oh please oh please!)
Curiosity and love, each of which will find a way, came up with a solution on their own. My left hand dropped to his thigh and yanked the denim taut. Still couldn't tell. Damn! So it just rested on the side of his thigh. At the same time my right hand came around to touch his hair. Beautiful dark hair. He's pretty young (22) to have such a widow's peak. I (40) have more hair than he does. But mine's graying up fast. At least it's hair. Whatever. He is so beautiful to me. His eyes are closed; the tears have slowed. I stroke his face and coo a little. Involuntary, but there it goes. Old habits and all that.
In stroking his face, mid-stroke in fact, something strikes me. Earlier today I saw him (and ignored him). But when I saw him I did notice that he hadn't shaven in a few days. In addition to dark hair, he also has a really thick, dark, fast growing beard. That's the only thing that really attracted him to me way back when. I have a real fetish for facial hair. Not full beards, but 5 o'clock shadow or stubble turns me on like crazy. Better than that is a goatee. DAMN! The contrast of rough vs smooth on the face is deadly to me. I'll follow and drool after you anywhere! Come to think of it, that's something else about Ryan. He had the beard thing going, but when he wore shorts I could see how hairy his legs were. DAMN AGAIN! I love hairy legs on a man. Being dark haired as he is, the effect is really pronounced. Maybe that's why I like my men to be extreme brunettes. Between his belt and face, though, as I learned after his chasing and courting me for over 2 years, the middle part is smooth.
The point of all that is to say that he knows how his facial hair turns me on. When we first expressing our feelings physically he was doing one of those 'soul patch' things. Hard to bite and tug on one of them! He already knew of my admiration for his beard, and 5 o'clock, and my fascination with goatees on hot guys. (As an aside last month while he was still being stuck up holier than thou bitch, I saw him having shaved into a goatee. A devil got into me and I sent an email saying simple "you're not doing that goat just for me are you?" I got a pissy reply of "don't do that." I giggled.
I digress. Oops.
Well, as I'm stroking his face I suddenly notice (in one of those how in the name of fuck did I miss that! moments) that he had shaved since I'd seen him a mere 4 hours earlier. He had gone from full face scruffy guy, which he knows gets me wet, to goatee guy, which makes me both wet and hard. He knows this full well. Very very well. I sense a ploy, but am turned on nonetheless.
When my hand on his face stroke goes from smooth to rough, and I duh realize what he's done and know exactly why he's done it, I get nervous. He knows what he's doing too. I gotta wait for his move. He's setting me up to start something, but I gotta wait for his move. Not that it matters much. He's the one that started this whole thing to begin with. I'm damned either way.
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encroaching increase of darkness - 2008-11-02
Bones - 2008-09-20
random bitchings and musings - 2008-07-09
Man with Huge Cock - 2008-07-04
Eric and other crazy shit - 2008-06-29
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